The obligatory Oscars blog

Armed with my Red Bull and computer, and tucked up under my duvet in my very cold living room, I took advantage of having Sky television, and watched the 82^nd Annual Academy Awards. This is a fairly new tradition for me, having only started watching the full show, as opposed to finding out the results online, last year. With the Golden Globes and the Baftas I have no problem finding out who won what the next day through various internet sources, but the Oscars come imbibed with so much glamour and Hollywood magic, I feel I’m missing out if I don’t stay up to an obscene hour to watch them. Maybe they hold them on a Sunday evening to test the devotion of overseas fans, or maybe not.

I decided this year that I would not sit idly by and simply try and remember all the points I wanted to make for this blog. Twitter is a marvellous thing, and it is a tool, as a self-confessed Luddite, I am very slowly yet maddeningly falling in love with. I documented my thoughts on the evening’s proceedings religiously on the social networking site, joined by Empire and Total Film magazines. Click here to see my full Twitter page with all the night’s musings.

The proceedings started off bizarrely with the nominees for Best Actor and Actress just standing on stage, almost as if it were an auction of some kind. This was followed by a highly random performance from Neil Patrick Harris, but it instilled so much joy in me, as I have been in love with him ever since watching an awful yet brilliant TV movie, The Man in the Attic several years ago (I’m a little too young to remember him as Doogie Howser). His performance in Dr Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog cemented my undying love and admiration, and he’s now in my Top 5 favourite actors (expect post on that in the coming days).

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were hosting this year, but while they were good, I yearned for the more showy nature of Hugh Jackman’s opening song from last year. It was more old school and it harkened back to the Golden Age of cinema, when it was all about the glamour and the performance. As time has gone on, the Oscars have become more synonymous with razor-sharp wit and satire, which is what the duo were going for. There were some great one liners, but they seemed a bit too wooden in their delivery. It was only in the little skits that were scattered across the duration that they truly excelled. Their version of Paranormal Activity had me almost crying with laughter, especially when a possessed-looking Steve Martin hovered over Alec Baldwin.

The evening played out in a very predictable manner, with the only surprise being the two favourites to win the Best Foreign Film were ousted for an Argentinean movie, The Secret in Her Eyes. Jeff Bridges received Best Actor, the hot favourite, although I really wish Jeremy Renner had swooped in from nowhere and snatched it. It would have been a surprise win for Team The Hurt Locker as he was up against stiff competition, but him winning would have added a bit more spice to a rather bland occasion. Sandra Bullock took home the Best Actress accolade and this made me incredibly happy. I grew up when Sandra Bullock was in her hey-day with films like Speed and While You Were Sleeping. It saddened me to see her fade into the mist as I hit the latter end of my teen years so to see her now, striding right back to the top is amazing. As the evening progressed, it became obvious that Hurt Locker was going to get Best Film, and Kathryn Bigelow get Best Director, as it trumped Avatar 6 awards to 3. Avatar won all the obvious technical awards, but there really was no competition. Many people say that it was not Best Film-worthy as it didn’t have the calibre of script or acting, which may be true, but it cannot be faulted for its technological advances. Anyone who’s seen it in 3-D can tell you that it pulls you into a whole new world and makes you believe, for those two and a half hours, that you are running and flying with the Na’Vi.

I’ve decided to hold my own awards for the night itself, which I have listed below. Can you suggest any other contenders for these categories?

Best Presenters

Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jnr    – a bit of playful banter about the actor versus writer, resulting in the fabulous line from RDJ, calling writers ‘sickly mole people’.

Most Dullest Presenters

Tom Ford and Sarah Jessica Parker – there was no chemistry between them, merely put together as they are ‘fashionistas’ and they both had the dullest delivery. Then again, I have never been impressed with SJP.

Best Speech

Sandra Bullock – she managed to pay homage to her fellow nominees in a sincere yet light-hearted way and perfectly demonstrated why the Oscar in her hand was well deserved.

“Did I really earn this or did I just wear you all down? I would like to thank the Academy for allowing me in the last month to have the most incredible ride with rooms full of artists that I see tonight and that I’ve worked with before and I hope to work with in the future, who inspire me and blaze trails for us. Four of them that I’ve fallen deeply in love with I share this night with and I share this award with.

Gabby, I love you so much. You are exquisite. You are beyond words to me. Carey, your grace and your elegance and your beauty and your talent makes me sick. Helen, I feel like we are family through family and I don’t have the words to express just what I think of you. And Meryl, you know what I think of you and you are such a good kisser.

I have so many people to thank for my good fortune in this lifetime and this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I know. To the family that allowed me to play them, the Tuohy family, I know they’re in here and you’ll probably hear her in a minute. Maybe not. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to… the family that made this film that gave me the opportunity to do something different. John Lee Hancock, Gil Netter, Alcon, Warner Bros., the actors, everyone who’s shown me kindness when it wasn’t fashionable, I thank you. To everyone who was mean to me when it wasn’t… George Clooney threw me in a pool years ago. I’m still holding a grudge. But there’s so many people to thank.

Not enough time, so I would like to thank what this film is about for me which are the moms that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from. Those moms and parents never get thanked. I, in particular, failed to thank one. So… if I can take this moment to thank Helga B. for not letting me ride in cars with boys until I was 18 because she was right. I would’ve done what she said I was gonna do. For making me practice every day when I got home. Piano, ballet, whatever it is I wanted to be. She said to be an artist, you had to practice every day, and for reminding her daughters that there’s no race, no religion, no class system, no color, nothing, no sexual orientation that makes us better than anyone else. We are all deserving of love. So, to that trailblazer, who allowed me to have that. And this. And this. I thank you so much for this opportunity that I share with these extraordinary women and my lover Meryl Streep. Thank you.”

Best Line in a Speech

I love you more than rainbows” – uttered by Ryan Bingham, when collecting Best Original Song (The Weary Kind from Crazy Heart). Sublime.

Worst Speech

Sandy Powell – Making everyone love her when going to collect the Best Costume Design gong, by saying in a not-at-all cute manner that she’s already got two of ‘these’ at home. The rest of the speech followed in the same manner so I’m shocked she got any applause when walking off the stage.

Tear-jerker of the Night

Geoffrey Fletcher’s acceptance speech – The winner of Best Adapted Screenplay, for Precious, was almost breathless while tearfully thanking everyone, and his innocent unbridled emotion at winning was extremely touching.

It narrowly beat out the John Hughes memorial montage; his films are perfectly suited for that kind of emotional montage. He was a great director.

Best Dressed (Female)

Zoe Saldana – this dress stood out from the others, and I love the different tones of blue and purple combined with the glittery, princess-like top-half (as you can see from this description, I haven’t quite perfected the art of fashion journalism).

Best Dressed (Male)

Gerard Butler and Jake Gyllenhall – ok, let’s face it, they all looked the same, with the abundance of Dickie bows but I wanted to be fair to both sexes. It’s a (bow)tie (sorry) between these two gents, as they both looked so damn suave in their tuxedos, having the broad shoulders and chest to look truly manly.